Thursday, September 2, 2010

one baby shower

Thoughts Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 2:57pm

Its been just over a week since we met with the geneticist at university hospital. I realized that if I wait until we have updates regarding Gideon it might be a while before we post. I have a sense we are not going to get much news about his little self for a while. My next appointment at university hospital is Monday the 29th and that is just a regular check up. I don’t have any ultrasounds schedule for a while. I guess they figure at this point they know all they need to know and nothing is going to change.

David and I visited his sister and her husband yesterday in Gurnee. We had a great time and it was nice to get away, but hard to tell them the news. I was thinking about how when we first got the news that something was wrong, when they were saying he would likely be delayed but they didn’t know how much, how that would be good news now.

There has been a lot on my mind this week. I have had good days, and really bad days. On one hand it would be nice to have internet at home so I could give more recent and immediate updates on my thoughts, on the other, time has a nice ways a censoring my extreme and often dangerous foot in mouth syndrome.

I am afraid that though this process I have given an impression that I am handling this very well.

I’m not.

Wednesday I cried so much I had a snot trail hanging from my nose and I didn’t even care. I don’t know that I have cried in my life so much, and so hard, and so unrestrained as I have in the past few months and weeks. I have learned what it means to sob, to cry out to God in ways that perhaps in the past I would have been too proud to be able to do. This has been a humbling journey for me. I am humbled by the faith and the prayers of those around me. I am confronted with how much I have to depend on God. My faith is week, but my God is strong.

I had my first and only baby shower today. I was so wonderful just being with this group of people. My neighbors that have become family. People who have been in my life for as long as I have memory of life. But I feel guilty accepting gifts. We planned to go ahead and have one shower before we realized just out bad the medical prognosis was and decided it would be nice to have one “normal” pregnant event. I really just want to be with some people who I don’t get so see a lot and who make me laugh. I am thankful for today, for their support and compassion as I am thankful for all the support poured out on David and me. I think I will buy a car seat. Its up to God if we will need it in may or somewhere down the road.

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