Wednesday, September 22, 2010

June 30: $275


Cost for a child gravesite at mound grove cemetery in my home town. Plus $100, as I understand to dig the hole and cover it back up again (there was a much more graceful way of saying this but I can't remember) grave markers can range from simple granite $675 to bronze with a vase for over $1000. You can fit one child and two adults in the mausoleum but only if one of the adults is cremated.

I am adding this to the list of things I just wish I didn't have to know. I am planning to file it right next to how to cover and encephalocele with tender tape and how much the dependant live insurance policy at my work is.

Now I don't really mind being cremated, after all, I’m dead. David is not a fan of the idea and since I am going to be buried with him I’ll respect that. Besides the only reason I would really want to be cremated is so that my ashes could be spread somewhere cool and I can't really think of anywhere I would want to be dusted so to speak. Except maybe my backyard.

Imagine what that might do to the property values.

We were doing some financial planning today and for some crazy reason I thought I might be a good idea to find out just how much the dying part of this story was going to set us back.

It was not a good idea. It really knocked me out more than I expected. It was just going to be a casual phone call. Just to find out, can you fit three people in the mausoleum. That spot right above David’s mom. It moved from casual inquiry to find an exit strategy fairly quickly, when I had to say umm humm to avoid blubbering to the cemetery lady. She probably gets that a lot. But my exit was not quick enough to keep me from digging myself in too deep, finding out more than I ever want to know. $275. But I will have to know.

That’s the part that really sucks.

Up to this point we really haven't thought our talked too much about the funeral. We figure why preplan. People die unexpectedly all the time and their funerals go just fine, well as much as a funeral can be fine I suppose. I know one song that I want to be played. It’s called "I will carry you" by Angie and Todd Smith and I love it. I love it because it captures our story with Gideon. Our choice to hold him while we are given the time.

It starts like this

"There were photographs I wanted to take, things I wanted to show you. Sing sweet lullabies; wipe your teary eyes, who could love you like this..."

I have it memorized. I sing it to him. Sometimes it feels like the only song that makes sense to sing. We took family photographs a few weekends ago and it occurred to me how blessed we are to have this time with our son. These were some of the photographs I wanted to take.

I really love this photograph of Gideon. Jessica did a beautiful job of capturing our family and I can’t thank her enough for this. From the moment I saw how beautifully she captured our wedding, I knew I wanted her to take photographs of my children and I had no qualms driving a week old baby to Michigan to do it. What she does with baby portraits is nothing short of astounding.

But I have to confess I have a love/hate relationship with this photo. It is so beautiful. But so obvious that something isn't quite right with this little boy. It is, at least to me, a painful reminder of all of the photographs we won't be able to take.

That first birthday party with cake all over, his first steps, first day at school...

I am probably repeating myself these days. I don’t really go back and read my previous notes too much. I wish I had more news to tell you, something exciting and new. A lot of life is lived in the ordinary I suppose.

I am pretty stuck on the same dance moves lately and I am not doing them well. I catch myself swear word angry a lot these days. I try every day to breastfeed Gideon. Every once in a while he latches and gets a few calories the old fashion way. But sometimes he just doesn’t get it and screams at me to drive the point home.

It makes me want to break things. Maybe I should just go to the dollar store to get a stash of pottery that I can smash.

$275 worth.

No comments:

Post a Comment