estimated arrival time...

Thursday, January 7, 2010 as it happened to be, was the worst snowstorm of the year.  my mom came down to go to the ultrasound with us and at close to 6 me, David, my mom and David's dad began our journey to the nearest hospital with a level two ultrasound.  it should have been an hour trip.  it took us three. 

three hours of bumper to bumper traffic in blinding snow.  three hour of anxiously watching the gps push back our arrival time.  i nervously updated my face book on my phone, and took comfort in the friends who shared their prayers and awaited news.

later that day, after crawling out of bed and my pity party my news for them was this...

Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 5:50pm

Gideon Daniel has been diagnosed with a condition called microcehphaly. That’s a fancy way of saying his head is too small. It is very small, much more than normal. Though what caused this is unclear, what is clear, at least to the doctors, is that there is an eighty percent chance he (yes he) will be mentally retarded. It is too soon to know how severe this will be. He also has a smaller than normal chin which could cause problems with eating, swallowing, or breathing. We have an appointment at univ. hospital wed for a MRI that may provide more information about what is causing the microcephaly and how severe it is. We may not know until he is born if this was caused by something that will impact any future children we decide to have. They have recommended we deliver in a hospital with a level 2 nicu. It is clear to David and me that God is in control. He has a plan for our family. I am believing Gideon will do something great in this world and that he will point others to the God. More to come later...

caller ID "Dr. Y."

January 4, 2010. Monday morning eating my cereal working up the energy to go to work. 

phone rings.  caller id says "Dr. Y".  hmmmm why is my OB calling me?  i have an appointment on Friday. 

"Kati" she says in a thick Indian accent that makes it sound like Kathy.  i give her the benefit of the doubt.  i really don't like being called Kathy. 

"can you come in to  the office right now?  can you bring your husband with you?"

now, I'm no dummy here, this is all lining up to be something I'm going to need to go back to therapy for.

"sure, just have to call my boss"

"I'll be in in time to pick up that family for their family therapy session but I'll be a bit late"

its few miles across town that feel like a thousand. 

its a short wait in the office that feels like a lifetime.

"we can't seem to get a good measurement of the babies head. it looks too small"
"4-d ultrasound"...
"does your insurance go to this hospital?"...
"I'm going to schedule an appointment as soon as i can, with a follow up right away with a genetic counselor and optional amniocentesis"

mercifully, unknowing, that family canceled therapy.

what do peaches and skip-bo have to do with anything?

I was nine years old when the Berlin wall fell.  I was at my Aunt Karen's house in midleville in the living room.  it was a huge, old house with like 12 foot ceilings and a huge flight of stairs up to my cousins room with the coolest ever attic access.  i was lying on the floor coloring when i found out the Berlin wall came down. 

I remember this because my grandma Jenkins said to me "Kati remember where you are right now because your kids will ask you where you were when the Berlin wall came down".

I am not so sure they will ask me that.  they might ask me where i was when i found out about 9/11.  the will ask me, just like i have asked my mom, "what was your grandma like." so before i forget.

I was a work when i found out my grandma had died.  my first day back from having Gideon. 

I remember her house in Door and the ice cream shop near by that had HUGE "small" ice cream cones and we would go there to get twists sometimes.  i remember she use to make us powdered milk and pina colada flavored drinks (non alcoholic of course!) in those colorful aluminium cups that made your teeth hurt.  i remember eating cucumbers from her garden. 

i remember she had a sign on her wall that said "the will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you".  and how Beth (Liz) and i would always stay at here house together and sometimes we would get to sleep in her bed and she slept back in the same room with grandpa.  before he died.  i was seven when he went home.  i remember the room in the basement we would sleep in with the really uncomfortable bed. 

i remember when grandpa died and she moved into grandville into her new apartment on the second floor.  sitting there at the kitchen table playing skip-bo and eating canned peaches.  grandma was never really not a great cook...we still loved her.  i remember how Liz would stick jelly beans up her nose at grandmas house and we would have to stifle giggles when she would come out with out her teeth. 

do not say the word F-A-R-T.  its a bad word.  she came to my orchestra concerts and she loved it when i sang in church.  she always gave me ten dollars in an envelope at Christmas.  she made the quilt that i still sleep with every night.  the quilt that went with me to summer camp, to college, and is tattered and falling apart now crumpled up on my bed.  its my grown up blankie.  Liz and I used to try to figure out which was the ugliest fabric. i always wondered, did she just find that print at the fabric store or had she worn it to church some long ago Sunday?

she gave me my first real job. 

she held my son before she died.

from apple seeds to cantelope

the first few months of my pregnancy were pretty uneventful.  i told way to many people way to soon...but for those of you who know me this is not surprise. 

i can't keep my mouth shut and i can't keep a secret.  well, i can keep a secret, other peoples secrets.  like when people tell me their childhood trauma and stuff like that.  but i have to buy my Christmas gifts no earlier than December or i just can't make to it Christmas with out busting out "guess what i got you".  And this was a very exciting gift. 

my long suffering co-worker and office mate did a wonderful job pretending he was really interested in what size fruit or veggie my growing baby could be compared too based on the bump.com's list. Appleseed's, raspberries, olives... He is, after all, a therapist too.  we are good at looking interested...

my husband David and I auditioned for and got cast in our local theater's fall play A Miracle on 34th street and joked that this was our babies debut on stage. the first of many shows we were sure our little one would be in. I stage managed my first show and despite my protests was not allowed to move set pieces heavier than a rake. 

I went to the doctor and had a few ultrasounds, my first a nine weeks and my second at twelve.  a second only because my doctor insisted on dad hearing the heartbeat we were having trouble finding.  we discovered the reason, a very active baby, running from the Doppler.

underneath it all though, i always had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.  i couldn't figure it out.  i was so worried i was going to have a miscarriage.  i had told myself before i got pregnant that i would be just fine if that did happen, that i would get pregnant again.  but i knew that a next baby wouldn't be this baby, wouldn't be our "made in Alaska" baby.

but a twelve weeks a breathed a small sigh of relief.  i was mostly out of the woods for miscarriage.  or so the bump.com said...

but that nagging feeling didn't go away. 

the day for our "real" ultrasound finally came.  January second.  rather disappointing.  i left wondering if the ultrasound tec really knew what she was doing.  how hard can it be to find a babies head?

it started in alaska

This whole thing started in Alaska. my husband i decided sometime in 2008 that we would use our tax return to take a trip to Alaska to visit my cousin Dan, who is a guide up there and is not only one of our favorite people, but someone who we don't get to see much. Plus, Alaska sounded pretty cool.

It was more than pretty cool. Between identifying different kinds of animal poo in the Denali wild and cramming three people (including over six foot Dan) in a two man tent we had more fun then we knew what to do with. Seriously though we stayed a wonderful bed and breakfast enjoyed a beautiful train ride and great company. But that is another story. Our story starts with Dan getting of the train in Wasilla and leaving us unsupervised ...

Good bye Dan :(

Cut to the end of august, a trip to CVS, and a plus sign. 2010 looked like it was going to be one of the best years of our lives and we were geeked.

It’s amazing how a phone call can turn your life upside down.