Sunday, July 18, 2010

from apple seeds to cantelope

the first few months of my pregnancy were pretty uneventful.  i told way to many people way to soon...but for those of you who know me this is not surprise. 

i can't keep my mouth shut and i can't keep a secret.  well, i can keep a secret, other peoples secrets.  like when people tell me their childhood trauma and stuff like that.  but i have to buy my Christmas gifts no earlier than December or i just can't make to it Christmas with out busting out "guess what i got you".  And this was a very exciting gift. 

my long suffering co-worker and office mate did a wonderful job pretending he was really interested in what size fruit or veggie my growing baby could be compared too based on the's list. Appleseed's, raspberries, olives... He is, after all, a therapist too.  we are good at looking interested...

my husband David and I auditioned for and got cast in our local theater's fall play A Miracle on 34th street and joked that this was our babies debut on stage. the first of many shows we were sure our little one would be in. I stage managed my first show and despite my protests was not allowed to move set pieces heavier than a rake. 

I went to the doctor and had a few ultrasounds, my first a nine weeks and my second at twelve.  a second only because my doctor insisted on dad hearing the heartbeat we were having trouble finding.  we discovered the reason, a very active baby, running from the Doppler.

underneath it all though, i always had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.  i couldn't figure it out.  i was so worried i was going to have a miscarriage.  i had told myself before i got pregnant that i would be just fine if that did happen, that i would get pregnant again.  but i knew that a next baby wouldn't be this baby, wouldn't be our "made in Alaska" baby.

but a twelve weeks a breathed a small sigh of relief.  i was mostly out of the woods for miscarriage.  or so the said...

but that nagging feeling didn't go away. 

the day for our "real" ultrasound finally came.  January second.  rather disappointing.  i left wondering if the ultrasound tec really knew what she was doing.  how hard can it be to find a babies head?

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